Snail Mail

I am a snail mail junkie. I'll admit it. I absolutely love getting letters. I enjoy writing letters too. It's a fantastic way to keep in contact with people. Sure, there is all sorts of amazing technology for keeping in contact with people. Email, facebook, texting, twitter, whatever. But nothing is quite the same as receiving an envelope with your name on it and knowing that someone went through the trouble of sitting down, writing you a letter, and remembering to mail it. You can read it over and over, or stash it in a drawer where it will make you happy all over again when you find it. I have folders from both my summers at camp where I have saved every letter I got over that summer. And I do read through them all every once in a while, just because it makes me happy. Also, here's phenomenal secret about snail mail: If you write to people, most of the time they'll write back! So not only do they get the excitement of getting something that's not a magazine or a bill in the mail, chances are so will you! Make someone's day. Send them a letter.

Hermeneutics, Vegan Snacks, and my Battle with the Monstrous Hill

It's been an interesting week (if you couldn't guess from the title). I had my first classes with Joey this week, Dave's son-in-law, who is a legitimate theologian. I learned new words and concepts, like hermeneutics (a way of interpreting) and exegesis (Trying to figure out what the original meaning was). Those are definitely new topics. However, it dips into the more academic side of things, which isn't too much different from dealing with other literature. Some of the terms even carry over. See, an English major is good for something. I also got to tag along to Nicole, my roommate's, small group, where Wendy's mom was talking about healthy eating and making some different vegan munchies for us to try. I will admit, I felt a bit like a 5 year old at some points, watching her mix up the walnut pate. "I don't think I like that... or that..." But I tried it anyway, and discovered it was delicious. Does this mean I'm giving up bacon and chocolate? No. However, swapping my morning cappacino for a fruit smoothie might happen. Finally, my adventures with the monsterous hill. I've been taking a four mile walk every morning with Grace and Nicole. Most of this is uphill. Tuesday, it started to hurt walking with my shoes on. We were half way through the walk at this point, (to the top of the hill, heading back), and it was easier to walk without my shoes. So I did. The point is, I'm now taking a break from challenging the hill until whatever I stretched more than I should have has recovered. That's week three of my adventure! Tune in next week!

Week 2 (because I'm feeling super creative in the title department)

This has been a very good week. Friday was really fun. We went to Cade's Cove and saw two black bears (trust me, it's a big deal). Monday started the actual training. As Dave Johnston put it, it's kind of like drinking out of a fire hydrant. Information over load, in a good way. It's awesome to be immersed in the message of the ministry which is the identity we have in Christ and how to live out of that. That's a really simplified version, if you want to know more, ask me! I'm still processing a lot of the information, but I'm excited to put things into practice and bring it back to Camp Witness. It's very refreshing to be submerged in the Word of God.

Week 1

If you couldn't guess from the title, I've been in Knoxville for exactly a week today. This week was Infusion's staff retreat, which was awesome. I got to here some great speakers, most of which are head of something within the ministry. We also did fun things in the evenings, like going downtown or grilling out by what everyone calls a lake but is really part of the Tennessee River. It's really refreshing to have the opportunity to just sit and listen, to soak up God's word. My actual studies will start this next week. That's very exciting and also a little intimidating. Most everyone involved here has some sort of Bible/ theology degree. Which means they know a lot. But that's the reason I'm here. I want to learn more, to really establish a firm foundation of Biblical knowledge to take back with me. So, that's pretty much it for week one of adventures in the South, stay tuned for more updates!

Follow Me

First, watch this.

A friend of mine posted this on facebook not too long ago. And it was a bit of a 2x4 moment. I have definitely done that a lot. Which is kind of crazy, considering that one of my biggest fears is complacency. I don't want to wake up one day and  realize that I have done nothing with my life. Now listen to this. (Yes, I know it's a country song, that's not the point. Listen to the lyrics. Actually listen to them.)

I don't like being scared, and I don't like being uncomfortable.Yet that's really where I want to be. That's where I'm going to be if I'm truly following Christ. Which brings us to today's church service. I all too often want God to fix what's wrong. But my focus is off. My focus is on what's wrong with me. It's really a twisted sort of pride. It's also not fun at all to spend lots of time thinking about what a mess you are. Acknowledgement is one thing, dwelling on it is another. I'm never going to be perfect. None of us are. But that's not the point. The point is pursuing Christ above all else. That's where the focus needs to be. Not on poor pitiful me. On Christ. If I'm striving for that, everything else will fall into place. It's not going to be easy, either. The last year has been rough, with school and life in general. I'm finally starting to realize why. Because it's only when I have nothing left to cling to that I really turn to God. Not a fun process. But necessary. Because I want to know Jesus. I want to be always seeking to know Him better. I never want to be satisfied with where I am in my relationship with Christ. I want to seek Him above all else. That's where I am. Rough as getting here has been, I think it's a good place to start the summer. (In case you didn't know, I'm spending my summer interning with Infusion Ministries in Knoxville, TN. Check them out. www.infusionnow.org) I'm both excited and terrified. I know this is where I need to be, but it's totally different than anything I've done before. And it's just me. I'm not doing this with anyone from here. But I know it will  be good, because I know this is where God wants me, and that He is going to use this. Prayers would be appreciated, and I'm planning to use this blog as a form of updating people. Anyway, that's where I am. Let the summer begin.

Focus

Where's your focus? This has been the question of my life lately. I like to joke about having ADOS (Attention Deficit Ooo Shiny!) but it's really more serious than that. I'm realizing how easily I get distracted from God. There can be some little problem right in front of my nose, and I practically let it consume my life, forgetting that God is still right there and my problem doesn't seem huge to Him. And if I would listen when he tells me that, things would go a whole lot better. But I inevitably try to handle it on my own, which inevitably leads to me face planting in the dirt. All this is the result of misplaced focus. I focus on what I consider to be problems instead of God. My dad says that God either gets your attention with a tap on the shoulder or a 2x4 to the head. I get the 2x4 a lot, because I don't listen so well. But I want to. I want my focus to be fully on God, all the time. Will it be? No. I'll fail. But He'll pick me up and I can keep striving for that. My first summer at camp I was absolutely fascinated by the concept of majesty. It's disgusting how often I forget that. Because the God of the universe, the very God who breathed out the stars and is the only reason I'm breathing right now, who created cells and solar systems, also wants a relationship with me. I sure don't understand it. I wouldn't want anything to do with myself. I'm a mess. But God does. It blows my mind. That's where my focus needs to be.

Superheroes

I have a confession to make: I love superheroes. I spent a fair amount of time growing up pretending to be one. I still love superheroes. And heroes in general, really. Today I was thinking about why that is. Part of it is because I am a romantic in the English major sense. The original romances were the stories of knights, chivalry, daring-do, and doing the right thing no matter what. Action-adventure stories. That's really what superhero stories are. The knights of the old stories were often aided by magic or some other unknown, superheroes have powers. Same concept. However, the heroes are never perfect. Yet another reason I'm so drawn to the stories. Who wants a perfect character? It sounds good in theory, but really, that would be one boring character. There would be no tension and no room for development. Flaws make the character real. We're rooting for them to overcome their issues and the right thing, the thing we know they are capable of, if they can just see it. Then I thought about that list I posted the other day. The one that listed the issues of various people in the Bible. Flawed people who accomplished the impossible. People who were called to do things they legitimately weren't capable of doing. They didn't have super powers to help them out either. But the had something better. They had the God of the universe behind them.Nothing would have happened without Him. We don't usually think about it this way, but I feel like they deserve the title of hero. Not because of what they did, because it wasn't them at all. But because they trusted God and allowed Him to work in their lives. As I admitted earlier, I'm a romantic. I like to see my life as a grand adventure. The idea of living a mundane life, being comfortable, and waking up one day to realize I haven't done anything in my life scares me more than almost anything else. But that adventure isn't something out of my reach. I just need to trust God enough to live it.

Broken

• Noah was drunk.
• Abraham was too old.
• Isaac was a daydreamer.
• Joseph was abused.
• Moses had a stuttering problem.
• Gideon was afraid.
• Samson was a womanizer.
• Rahab was a prostitute.
• Jeremiah and Timothy were too young.
• David had an affair and was a murderer.
• Elijah was suicidal.
• Isaiah preached naked.
• Jonah ran from God. 
• Naomi was a widow.
• Job went bankrupt.
• Peter denied Christ.
• The disciples fell asleep while praying.
• Martha worried.
• Paul was too religious.
• Lazerus was dead

We've all seen lists like this. Yet we still think we are unusable. That there is too much wrong in our lives for God to possibly be able to work through the mess. We put the people the Bible tells us about up on a pedestal, as if they were somehow so much better than we can ever hope to be. That's not true. Read the stories. Their lives were generally a mess. What they had was FAITH. I've been reading the Old Testament, and the faith shown blows me away. There are chapters and chapters about how horrible things are, or are going to be because the people have turned away from God then BOOM: hope. This unfailing hope that no matter what, God is going to come through. And He does. Mind blown. It is so easy to get caught up in the hard things in life and lose sight of that hope. Is that self-centered or what? Pastor Greg says all the time that God uses broken people. He picks the underdog every time. The weak to shame the strong. And let's face it, we're all broken. We want to be "on fire" but forget that that involves burning. A life is never to shattered.

Random Thoughts on Ezekiel

My current reading is in Ezekiel. God tells Ezekiel to do all kinds of weird stuff as signs to the people of Israel. He definitely would have gotten people's attention. Which was the point. God sent him to his own people who were proud, stubborn, and foolish. Ezekiel 16 talks about how much Jerusalem has played the harlot, which is a lot. She disrespects God, the love of her youth, and runs after pretty much everything that isn't God. She's going to be punished for that. But what blows me away is what the Bible always comes back to. Yes, there will be punishment, but God will take her back. He's still going to honor His covenant even though His people haven't. They'll be chastised, but He takes them back. Every time. I read about all these horrible things, but it always comes back to God coming through for His people. Always. I'm just as bad as the Israelites about forgetting that.

Church Notes: Back to Basics

We can't do anything to earn salvation. There are no certain rules to follow, no cut off line of doing enough good stuff. Nothing. This isn't a new message, it's one I've heard on a semi-regular basis for as long as I can remember. And that's what Pastor Todd talked about in church yesterday. The thing is, even though I've heard this who knows how many times before, I need to be reminded. I need to be reminded that there is nothing special about me, and that I really do deserve to go to hell. Imagining the court room scene really hit me yesterday. God is on the judgement seat, I'm the accused, and Satan is the one doing the accusing. All the awful things he says are true. I do deserve eternal punishment. Then Jesus steps up. "She's mine. I bought her with my  blood. She's mine." Not of anything I can do. Bet because for some reason I don't understand, He loves me. He paid my price out of love. I can never earn that, never live up to that. But I can live for Him. Because He paid the price for my life in blood, in a sacrifice I can't even begin to imagine. Read a medical description of the cruxifiction sometime. The love that would do that blows me away. How do we so often forget that? Forget the price and forget what it means to be washed in the blood?

Lamentations

Today's reading was Lamentations. Talk about a depressing book. Captivity, desolation, starvation, cannibalism, it is not a pretty picture for Israel. Yet even the book of laments is not without hope. Following a long list of how much the writer's life sucks, you get  verses like this: Through the Lord's mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. (Lamentations 3:22-23) Or this: You drew near on the day I called on You, and said, "Do not fear!" (Lamentations 3:57) Whoa. Talk about faith. Things couldn't get much worse, but they don't lose faith in God. More importantly, He doesn't abandon them. After their time of punishment, they will be restored. For a depressing book, it gives me a lot of hope.

Memorization

Memorizing Scripture us something I really want to do. Yet I am horrible at making myself do it. I love being able to instantly call to mind the little bit I do have memorized. So why is this such an issue? Because I haven't been very disciplined. I haven't set aside a specific time to sit down, just for a little bit each day, and actually work on this. I haven't carried note cards around in my pockets to study at random moments. So this post is my way to force myself to be accountable. If you see me, ask me how it's going. Ask me to recite what I'm memorizing. Because I'm tired of slacking. I'm tired of saying I want to do this, then not doing it. You can't fight with a dull sword.

Church Notes: Desperation

What caused Abel to devote himself to God? What was going in Enoch's life that he walked with God? What was Noah doing that he alone was righteous? How was Abraham so fully tuned in to God? They sure weren't perfect. Except for Abel and Enoch, the Bible tells us about plenty of sins and failings. Yet they are the ones listed in the "Hall of Faith" in spite of all that. What so drew them to God? They were desperate to KNOW God. There was no good enough, far enough. There was no settling, no comfortable. These men never stopped chasing after God. We can read that in their stories. They messed up majorly sometimes, but they still pursued that relationship with God and mind-blowingly amazing things happened. They made a deliberate choice not to be satisfied with where they were. I want to be that DESPERATE.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ul1XxsYxQjc

Thoughts on Jeremiah

I'm currently reading in Jeremiah. There is a lot of doom predicted, and I don't claim to fully understand it. But, the basic idea is that lots of bad things are going to happen to Judah because they have turned away from God and refuse to repent. I was reading in chapter 15 this morning, and all that doom starts to get to Jeremiah. He's not a very popular guy because of what he's been saying either. Yet God tells him to stand strong, that He will make Jeremiah a bronze wall. He also tells Jeremiah that the people will fight against him, but that they won't prevail. God protects him. I find that to be very encouraging. Because there are days, weeks, when I feel like everything is falling apart. Doom, doom, doom. But what I tend to forget is that God has promised to be there. The Good thing is, He hasn't forgotten, even if I have. Even when I'm so caught up in my own little dramas and pity parties I can't see Him, He's still there. Those are my ramblings for this morning, take them as you will.

Ouch, Conviction

I worked a long desk shift last night, and did almost nothing of productive value. I watched movies and cruised around facebook. Of what value is that? Thinking about it, I could have been using that time to study my Bible. But I didn't. If I'm seeking after God, if I love Him, I should want to spend as much time as possible with Him. Yet what does last night say about my relationship with my Father? I want to be seeking Him with everything I am. Last night really brought me face to face with my own apathy. I chose to be apathetic. That's not who I want to be, how I want to live. I don't want to spend my life in a recliner, being comfortable, just drifting along, stagnant. No. I want to be on fire for my God, willing to follow where ever He leads, even though I can't see where He's going with this. That's who I want to be, completely sold out for Him. It's a choice. It's choosing God over the distractions, over everything else that fills my life. It's choosing Him over everything else.

Life Lessons from Puppets

My assignment this week was to watch some dvds to see if they would be appropriate for the junior campers. These videos are from Phil Vischer, the guy who did VeggieTales, and they involved puppets. At first, I wasn't sure what I thought of them. But, the more I watched, the more I realized how great these videos really were. The material is phenomenal. It is basically a walk through the Bible that little kids can understand. What I loved was that the focus was on the Bible all being one story, the story of God's love for humanity. They don't sugar coat things either. Lots of people die in Joshua, and instead of glossing over that, they actually tackle it. ( People die because the land was God's in the first place, everyone sins, the price of sin is death, so truthfully they got what they deserve, and a good question is why don't we? If you were curious.) I didn't get the concept that the Bible is all one story and that God is still fulfilling the promises He made to Abraham until last summer when we did a walk through the Old Testament as a staff at camp. And these videos present it in a way kids can understand. My eighteen year old brother also sat through several with me, and he liked them as well. I did a complete turn around from my initial skepticism. The title of the series is What's In The Bible, and that's what they tell you. They even pointed out the usefulness of Leviticus! (Ritual vs. Ethical laws, yet another thing I hadn't ever considered.) This is something I would want to have for my kids someday. And, quite honestly, I would watch the rest of the series if I had it.

Book of Job

Everyone knows the story of Job, but I had never read through the whole thing before. I found it really interesting. I think I like the last chapters the best, the ones where God is telling Job off. Job never turns against God, but he does get a good pity party going. (God hates me, I didn't do anything wrong, why is this happening?) But what God really calls him out on is that Job seems to think he is more righteous than God, that God is somehow unjust in letting bad things happen to Job. The last chapters are amazing, because it is this awesome glimpse into how powerful, mighty, and majestic God is. After the series of questions God asks, Job repents of his pride and near sightedness. This was one of those books that makes me go, "You can say that to God?" Job doesn't try to hide what he's feeling, he lays it all out. God never does tell Job why everything happened to him, but He does remind Job who he serves. And that's enough.

Singers

I was reading Nehemiah today and some small mention of the temple singers grabbed my attention. There was a whole group of people whose only job was to sing praises to God. How awesome is that? And how huge is music as a form of worship? Music is one of the most powerful forces I know. Sometimes I get caught up in myself though, in my ability or lack thereof, or compared to my younger brother, who is very talented, or being frustrated because I can't manage to play what I want. But, despite all that, I love music. I love to sing and play. Ultimately, it's not about me, anyway. It's about brining glory to God. It always comes back to that. Cool, huh? If music is so powerful here, imagine what it will be like in Eternity! Now that is something to look forward to.

Ordinary People

Personally, I have a tendency to view the people in the Bible as super heroes. But that's not true. Every person of faith I look up to is a normal person except for one thing: God. God is the game-changer. A couple weeks ago we were talking about powerful prayer at prayer team. I mostly listened at the time. First, how would your life read if it were in the Bible? think about the apostles. There is this tendency to think that they felt the power of God on them, then decided to go do miracles, but that's not how it worked. They saw a need, asked God to fix it, and crazy things started happening. 

Matthew 17:20-21

²⁰ So Jesus said to them, “Because of your unbelief; for assuredly, I say to you, if you have faith as a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you. ²¹ However, this kind does not go out except by prayer and fasting.”

I don't know about you, but I don't claim that verse. It is so easy to separate ourselves from the Bible, say, Yeah, but that was back then, things like that don't happen now. Well, guess what. God doesn't change. The God who did miracles in the Bible is the same today as He was then. We are told that we can do all things through Christ. (Philippians 4:13) Do you actually claim that? An example was brought up in prayer team. What is you were standing in a crowed room with a match? Would you have the faith to say, "My God can light this match."? That would be absolutely life-changing. Our God is life changing. What is a match to Him? He consumed Elijah's sacrifice.(1 Kings 18:20-40) A match is nothing. I'm not saying I'm there, not by a long shot. But I want to be. In church today we talked about Esther and Nehemiah. Both were normal people, who were put in the position they were in for a reason. Esther was queen. Nehemiah was the king's cupbearer. When it came time to act, the first thing they did was pray and fast before God. And they didn't just pray, Lord, please let this work out... They prayed powerfully and they expected an answer! I know I don't always expect an answer to my prayers. Learning about that. I don't know which is more frightening, the idea that God won't come through, or that He will. Because crazy things happen when God is involved. The Bible is full of stories of normal, flawed people and miracles. God works through normal, crazy, flawed people because it brings him glory. Gideon and an army of 300 defeated the Midianite army with pitchers and torches.(Judges 7)  There is no way they did that on their own. It's so crazy it has to be God. God must love the word BUT. That's crazy, but... What would happen if we actually prayed that way, lived that way? Think on that a moment. Now, what if God is waiting for us to pray that way? Look at how many times God was going to destroy the Israelites and Moses interceded for them. Moses asked God not to destroy them, and He didn't. This isn't God changing His mind. If Moses hadn't asked, His plan was to destroy them. If Moses did ask, He would spare them. Both were His plan. It just depended on the asking. Whoa. I want that kind of faith. I want to say, For me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain. (Philippians 1:21) I want to trust my God enough to jump, not knowing what comes next. To get to the point where it doesn't matter how scary or impossible the road before me is, I know my God goes before me, so I can make it, I can tread it without fear. I want my life to read like a Bible story, where all the glory goes to God, because there is no way that can be me. 

Random ramblings

Where is the line between being sensible and building wall?
Is common sense really sensible if it keeps you from taking a leap of faith?
Whose standards of sensible are we listening to? Because Christ's and the world's are completely different.
Just some random thoughts for the evening.