Follow Me

First, watch this.

A friend of mine posted this on facebook not too long ago. And it was a bit of a 2x4 moment. I have definitely done that a lot. Which is kind of crazy, considering that one of my biggest fears is complacency. I don't want to wake up one day and  realize that I have done nothing with my life. Now listen to this. (Yes, I know it's a country song, that's not the point. Listen to the lyrics. Actually listen to them.)

I don't like being scared, and I don't like being uncomfortable.Yet that's really where I want to be. That's where I'm going to be if I'm truly following Christ. Which brings us to today's church service. I all too often want God to fix what's wrong. But my focus is off. My focus is on what's wrong with me. It's really a twisted sort of pride. It's also not fun at all to spend lots of time thinking about what a mess you are. Acknowledgement is one thing, dwelling on it is another. I'm never going to be perfect. None of us are. But that's not the point. The point is pursuing Christ above all else. That's where the focus needs to be. Not on poor pitiful me. On Christ. If I'm striving for that, everything else will fall into place. It's not going to be easy, either. The last year has been rough, with school and life in general. I'm finally starting to realize why. Because it's only when I have nothing left to cling to that I really turn to God. Not a fun process. But necessary. Because I want to know Jesus. I want to be always seeking to know Him better. I never want to be satisfied with where I am in my relationship with Christ. I want to seek Him above all else. That's where I am. Rough as getting here has been, I think it's a good place to start the summer. (In case you didn't know, I'm spending my summer interning with Infusion Ministries in Knoxville, TN. Check them out. www.infusionnow.org) I'm both excited and terrified. I know this is where I need to be, but it's totally different than anything I've done before. And it's just me. I'm not doing this with anyone from here. But I know it will  be good, because I know this is where God wants me, and that He is going to use this. Prayers would be appreciated, and I'm planning to use this blog as a form of updating people. Anyway, that's where I am. Let the summer begin.

Focus

Where's your focus? This has been the question of my life lately. I like to joke about having ADOS (Attention Deficit Ooo Shiny!) but it's really more serious than that. I'm realizing how easily I get distracted from God. There can be some little problem right in front of my nose, and I practically let it consume my life, forgetting that God is still right there and my problem doesn't seem huge to Him. And if I would listen when he tells me that, things would go a whole lot better. But I inevitably try to handle it on my own, which inevitably leads to me face planting in the dirt. All this is the result of misplaced focus. I focus on what I consider to be problems instead of God. My dad says that God either gets your attention with a tap on the shoulder or a 2x4 to the head. I get the 2x4 a lot, because I don't listen so well. But I want to. I want my focus to be fully on God, all the time. Will it be? No. I'll fail. But He'll pick me up and I can keep striving for that. My first summer at camp I was absolutely fascinated by the concept of majesty. It's disgusting how often I forget that. Because the God of the universe, the very God who breathed out the stars and is the only reason I'm breathing right now, who created cells and solar systems, also wants a relationship with me. I sure don't understand it. I wouldn't want anything to do with myself. I'm a mess. But God does. It blows my mind. That's where my focus needs to be.

Superheroes

I have a confession to make: I love superheroes. I spent a fair amount of time growing up pretending to be one. I still love superheroes. And heroes in general, really. Today I was thinking about why that is. Part of it is because I am a romantic in the English major sense. The original romances were the stories of knights, chivalry, daring-do, and doing the right thing no matter what. Action-adventure stories. That's really what superhero stories are. The knights of the old stories were often aided by magic or some other unknown, superheroes have powers. Same concept. However, the heroes are never perfect. Yet another reason I'm so drawn to the stories. Who wants a perfect character? It sounds good in theory, but really, that would be one boring character. There would be no tension and no room for development. Flaws make the character real. We're rooting for them to overcome their issues and the right thing, the thing we know they are capable of, if they can just see it. Then I thought about that list I posted the other day. The one that listed the issues of various people in the Bible. Flawed people who accomplished the impossible. People who were called to do things they legitimately weren't capable of doing. They didn't have super powers to help them out either. But the had something better. They had the God of the universe behind them.Nothing would have happened without Him. We don't usually think about it this way, but I feel like they deserve the title of hero. Not because of what they did, because it wasn't them at all. But because they trusted God and allowed Him to work in their lives. As I admitted earlier, I'm a romantic. I like to see my life as a grand adventure. The idea of living a mundane life, being comfortable, and waking up one day to realize I haven't done anything in my life scares me more than almost anything else. But that adventure isn't something out of my reach. I just need to trust God enough to live it.

Broken

• Noah was drunk.
• Abraham was too old.
• Isaac was a daydreamer.
• Joseph was abused.
• Moses had a stuttering problem.
• Gideon was afraid.
• Samson was a womanizer.
• Rahab was a prostitute.
• Jeremiah and Timothy were too young.
• David had an affair and was a murderer.
• Elijah was suicidal.
• Isaiah preached naked.
• Jonah ran from God. 
• Naomi was a widow.
• Job went bankrupt.
• Peter denied Christ.
• The disciples fell asleep while praying.
• Martha worried.
• Paul was too religious.
• Lazerus was dead

We've all seen lists like this. Yet we still think we are unusable. That there is too much wrong in our lives for God to possibly be able to work through the mess. We put the people the Bible tells us about up on a pedestal, as if they were somehow so much better than we can ever hope to be. That's not true. Read the stories. Their lives were generally a mess. What they had was FAITH. I've been reading the Old Testament, and the faith shown blows me away. There are chapters and chapters about how horrible things are, or are going to be because the people have turned away from God then BOOM: hope. This unfailing hope that no matter what, God is going to come through. And He does. Mind blown. It is so easy to get caught up in the hard things in life and lose sight of that hope. Is that self-centered or what? Pastor Greg says all the time that God uses broken people. He picks the underdog every time. The weak to shame the strong. And let's face it, we're all broken. We want to be "on fire" but forget that that involves burning. A life is never to shattered.

Random Thoughts on Ezekiel

My current reading is in Ezekiel. God tells Ezekiel to do all kinds of weird stuff as signs to the people of Israel. He definitely would have gotten people's attention. Which was the point. God sent him to his own people who were proud, stubborn, and foolish. Ezekiel 16 talks about how much Jerusalem has played the harlot, which is a lot. She disrespects God, the love of her youth, and runs after pretty much everything that isn't God. She's going to be punished for that. But what blows me away is what the Bible always comes back to. Yes, there will be punishment, but God will take her back. He's still going to honor His covenant even though His people haven't. They'll be chastised, but He takes them back. Every time. I read about all these horrible things, but it always comes back to God coming through for His people. Always. I'm just as bad as the Israelites about forgetting that.

Church Notes: Back to Basics

We can't do anything to earn salvation. There are no certain rules to follow, no cut off line of doing enough good stuff. Nothing. This isn't a new message, it's one I've heard on a semi-regular basis for as long as I can remember. And that's what Pastor Todd talked about in church yesterday. The thing is, even though I've heard this who knows how many times before, I need to be reminded. I need to be reminded that there is nothing special about me, and that I really do deserve to go to hell. Imagining the court room scene really hit me yesterday. God is on the judgement seat, I'm the accused, and Satan is the one doing the accusing. All the awful things he says are true. I do deserve eternal punishment. Then Jesus steps up. "She's mine. I bought her with my  blood. She's mine." Not of anything I can do. Bet because for some reason I don't understand, He loves me. He paid my price out of love. I can never earn that, never live up to that. But I can live for Him. Because He paid the price for my life in blood, in a sacrifice I can't even begin to imagine. Read a medical description of the cruxifiction sometime. The love that would do that blows me away. How do we so often forget that? Forget the price and forget what it means to be washed in the blood?

Lamentations

Today's reading was Lamentations. Talk about a depressing book. Captivity, desolation, starvation, cannibalism, it is not a pretty picture for Israel. Yet even the book of laments is not without hope. Following a long list of how much the writer's life sucks, you get  verses like this: Through the Lord's mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. (Lamentations 3:22-23) Or this: You drew near on the day I called on You, and said, "Do not fear!" (Lamentations 3:57) Whoa. Talk about faith. Things couldn't get much worse, but they don't lose faith in God. More importantly, He doesn't abandon them. After their time of punishment, they will be restored. For a depressing book, it gives me a lot of hope.